Introspective
Masculine
Vulnerability

Artist Statement


Self-Obsession can be destructive, or it can be self-creative. My work has been an ongoing obsessive deconstruction of self through images, material studies, and movement of pigments. Whether the medium is sculpture, installation, painting, or photography it is a practice of self-reflection and deconstruction. I believe the only thing I truly know is me, and yet I still have so much to unpack, learn, and unlearn. Currently, the project I am working on is an Auto-ethnographic research mind mapping project through a queer lens, which is designed to deeply explore and unpack my road to finding acceptance of my queer self and loving me as a 50+ year old. The use of auto-ethnography is to see myself through the Foucaultian mirror, to
explore these vulnerable aspects of the self, because as a cis-white male I was never encouraged or taught how to exist in vulnerability. This work is through an engagement of disruption, a disruption of the traditions of Art from the perspective of the Male Gaze. This practice explores an idea of healthy masculinity and moves the dialogue outside of the realm of toxic masculinity.

I started my practice in 2019 of self reflection shortly after being diagnosed with Complex PTSD. I had no fucking idea who I was or where I fit in the world any longer. I started to ground myself in self-reflection. Self-portraiture was a path to seeing myself as I am, in a physiological manner, a way to escape the internal dialogues that created panic attacks.I had never engaged in painting as a formal practice.

in 2020 i started explore self portraits through sculpture. I still had no idea what the fuck I was doing. I hated my anxiety and PTSD and what it had done to my life. I need to start a deconstruction practice and had no idea how too.

I had It in my head, It was so loud. When It was screaming, I couldn't hear anything else. It wanted me to die.

It had been with me most of my life.

It hated absolutely everything about me. It picked at me constantly. As long as I can remember it wanted to destroy my life.

How, I finally defeated It.

It has hated me most of my life. It has been ever present, screaming Its beliefs inside my head, only for me to hear.

When, It was silent, It was meditating. It was planning.

When I would find a way to care for myself, It would find a way through, to tell me I was worthless.

When It woke, It was hungry. All it wanted to eat was my pain and self-loathing. There was so much to feast on.